Big Brother State!

Have you ever felt like you're being watched? That you are following a script that you've not been allowed to read.

I have.

I feel compelled to resist. To act outside the parameters of the box I'm stuck in. 

Even now, though I'm writing this now and have no idea where I am going, I feel its already been written, that I'm not actually thinking what I'm writing but merely copying what is already written.

Being watched is a very common idea in our society and the likelihood is that you are. There will be some footage somewhere of you going about your daily business, maybe doing something that you are not supposed to. 

While this is wrong on a number of different levels, my feeling of being watched goes much deeper than that and even with no camera'a around me in my room, I feel I am being observed. 

Most people would probably call it God that is watching but I feel really uneasy about it, something more like the Matrix in the respect that a computer programme represents my feelings and frustrations of being watched and controlled. 

I feel compelled to resist because i don't want my ambitions to be limited, my freedom squashed (for some reason, that doesn't feel like the word i should put). 

I don't want to be the person that gets up, goes to work, eats and sleeps. I don't want to be the person who sits at home and twiddles their thumbs.

I want something more. Something freer.

Red Nose Day - Good or Bad?

Another note from me today. I was just watching a documentary about Red Nose Day, comic relief. This made me want to right this blog.

Is Comic Relief really a good thing? I know it does amazing work both in the Uk and Africa in changing peoples lives for the better. Thats the point i'm trying to make though, it changes individuals lives but possibly not the world, it is possibly detrimental to the world. We are saving people without the consequences of those actions other than the short term.

We are striving for an ideal world in which justice and poverty no longer exist, in essence we are striving for a perfect world, which will never work. 

I'm sure every species in the land wished it wouldn't get eaten or killed by other species, every species looks out for its own. I'm pretty sure every species on the planet would like us all to live in a peaceful world where we didn't fight or kill each other and we all saved each other but that's not how the world works. 

I know the people in Africa really struggle to get through a day but they need to feel that to know happiness just like in the developed world we have to feel pain, fear and horror just as much as those in the developing countries and probably to the exact same extent to feel the happiness. 

Everyone keeps complaining about the HIV/Aids problem but we wouldn't have a problem if we let them die. I know people will think i have a cold heart when they read that but its true and it may help with the overpopulation of the planet. 

I know nobody likes to think about death and its instinct to survive but its something that has to happen. If everyone lived forever then we'd be in a much bigger crisis than we are now. There wouldn't be enough money, food to go around, all the natural resources would be used up already. We'd be facing certain death anyway. 

If we keep saving people, the planet will most probably die because it just won't be able to handle us or more likely it will kill us all. 

The question is, is a million lives worth all of ours? 

Eating Disorders

Long time no speak but i've not had anything worth mentioning.

I was playing Basketball last night and somehow the topic of eating came up and i mentioned my troubles with food which are few.

First, when i was very young I would overeat, overeat so much that i'd puke up after the meal. I didn't hide it, everyone in my family new i ate so much that I vomited.  I actually remember my mother telling me to go to the sink to be sick after a bowl of tomato soup.

I grew out of overeating, well not overeating but overeating that much. I eventually replaced it with an addiction to milk or rather an intolerance to the evil milk. I would drink like 2-4 pints a day. 

I would drink so much that I'd get headaches, my vision would blur and then once more it'd be too the toilet while i was sick. For many years i didn't know why i was sick but then realised it was the evil milk but when i didn't know then i'd get sent home from school when essentially all i had done was detox myself from the milk.

Now i have an eating disorder in that i eat all the bad stuff when i know my body doesn't need it or want it.

Are eating disorders really that bad? I have had my problems with food and still have but are they honestly really that bad. I know things like anorexia and bulimia are bad but they are done for the wrong reasons and its more a case of their own personal issues with themselves. I think its bad that they have to hide it but i think there are a lot of people out there with eating disorders or disorders in the past but it hasn't adversely affected them, it is only when it goes to the absolute extremes that it is a problem.